Are Gift-Giving Parents Out of Control?
Gold
All I want for Christmas are my two front teeth and a Ferrari
If giving is better than receiving, when is it inappropriate to give? This is the season of giving. Will we rain down all kinds of gifts on our children, or is this time of year a teachable moment that will last throughout this season and beyond? Gifts, gifts, and more gifts result in more, more, and more mess, and worse, missed lessons for the recipients. No, you can’t have a Ferrari. You have to wait until 16.
Unfortunately for recipients, gifts can flow throughout the year as undeserved prizes or rewards. You donors know who you are. Taking out the trash, making the bed, brushing your teeth, getting good grades, being nice to your sister, or setting the table are NOT occasions that deserve gifts. Enough already! There are special events each year that warrant gift-giving, but moderation is the watchword, even if you can afford the Ferrari.
Just because your ninth grader wants a $400 Gucci belt doesn’t mean they’ll get it. The latest iPhone? Forget it my friend. And I can’t believe what my grandson wanted for Christmas. I’ve never actually heard of it, but it’s all the rage at his high school in Connecticut, and the kids are paying top dollar for it.
It’s a shirt called Supreme. Kids will pay several hundred dollars for the privilege of wearing a T-shirt that doesn’t even have Mickey Mantle’s name on the back. And according to my grandson, the prices can be as high as a thousand dollars. MY GOD.
Even if you can afford fancy gifts, don’t. If the begging persists, my standard responses would be as follows:
• Use the money you have saved.
• Wait until you have saved enough.
• Maybe when you graduate from college.
• Yes of course. Not this year.
• Ask your grandmother.
• Need more Legos? You have enough to open your own Legoland. How about some Lincoln trunks?
Learned lessons
Here is a lesson on giving. Depending on their age, buy your children some gifts that are intended for a child or family in need. Then, accompanied by your children, deliver the gifts to the family or organization that will distribute them. No, you can’t sit on my lap while I’m driving.
For example, Toys for Tots, sponsored by the United States Marine Corps, would appreciate your contributions, as would your local homeless center. If your children are old enough to have their own money, allow them the freedom to buy gifts and decide on needy recipients. Remember, they are not the ones in need. If they are, ignore this paragraph.
Many houses of worship have ministries that reach out to the local community to serve those less fortunate. Giving is not limited to tangible gifts, but also includes giving the gift of your time to local organizations that serve the community. Time is the same as money.
Get rid of the clutter and feel good about it
Do you have a garage or attic full of “stuff” that you or your kids aren’t using? Don’t wait until the gift-giving time of year to get rid of it. As a family, pick it up, pack up the car, and drive to the appropriate donation centers. Now don’t you feel good? And the neighbors will stop talking about you.
A recent article in the New York Post caught my attention. Naomi Schaefer Riley’s “Present Tense” references bestselling author Marie Kondo, who wrote The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing. Ms. Kondo emphasizes a “minimalist” lifestyle. That sounds like a good idea, but my emphasis is less on clutter and more on establishing a culture in every home that practices the three Ks: Caring, Kompassion, and Kindness. Mark it but spell it correctly.
ancient times
During my childhood in ancient times, I didn’t expect much, my parents couldn’t afford much, and I didn’t get much when it came to gift-giving season, or really, all year long. All I ever wanted to survive in my neighborhood were four things that would make me the happiest kid on the block: a bike, a baseball glove, a baseball, and a pink Spalding. We use that pink rubber ball to play stoop ball and stickball.
As a father and grandfather, I did the same and never lavished expensive gifts on my children and grandchildren. He usually gave books, money, and good advice on the importance of reading and making your own decisions.
Yes, but it’s 2017.
This me-first generation salivates over the latest electronic goodies, motorized toys, designer clothes, and, God help us, video games. Don’t give up: Instead, give to those in your community who need food, clothes, books, a bike, and maybe a baseball glove.